Phew. Some moments to myself, and my blog. Time gets eaten up so easily these days. Don't get me wrong though, it's absolutely delicious.
I returned to school/work last week and was pleasantly surprised to find that I'm able to enjoy my time there. My students were left little choice but to develop some pretty obnoxious habits in my absence, but they've quickly snapped back into shape. They are once again the funny, manageable teens I knew before my unexpected departure. From the sound of it, it's possible that in the twelve weeks I was away, that kids were literally climbing the walls of my classroom and exhibiting other animalistic tendencies like growling and attacking the weakest pack members.
On Friday I undertook a massive excavation in search of my desk top (the sub left some overgrown piles of paper and junk at least a foot high). One of the more interesting finds was a post-it note which read, and I quote:
'student's name' does minimal work
in Art class. He seems to have a bit
of power over girls and possibly women
in general. He deserves almost no credit.
Whoa! Are you kidding me?! What kind of note is that? I definitely want further explanation, but of course will never get it.
So I teach three classes in the morning and then come home to relieve Gabe and snuggle Ellis for an hour and a half, or so. Then it's back to school for two more classes and I'm done! Not too shabby.
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I might have a new favorite day: Mother's Day. I awoke (after Ellis' thoughtful gift of 6 uninterrupted hours of sleep for the first time ever) to find a trail of notes leading me through the whole house (see picture above). Each one was a piece of a letter of love and appreciation Gabe wrote for me. The trail took me down the stairs, around the living room, out to the kitchen and ended in the microwave, where I found a maple donut (my favorite kind) waiting for me. When I turned around, Gabe was there with two gifts: framed pictures of Ellis. All of my meals were lovingly prepared by my wonderful husband. I was granted a leave to go to Lowe's and purchase some plants and flowers for our yard and garden, then given time to plant it all. It was a dreary, slightly rainy day---which I LOVE, so all in all, I could not have asked for a better day. Plus I am utterly in love with Ellis and being her mama, and with Gabe and being his wife.
Just three short months ago I found myself being hurled into motherhood nine weeks earlier than I expected. I don't often share very private things on this public blog because, well, they're private. However, in honor of Mother's Day, I'm going to share some of the first thoughts I recorded after becoming a mother.
"...I think of the conversation Gabe and I had when we
went out for brunch after church the Sunday before we
found ourselves unexpectedly in Labor & Delivery.
We spoke about the past year or two and how I was having
this feelingor realization that my faith
was being transformed
-and though many days it had felt very lackluster
and sometimes I wondered how much was even there-
I felt stable in life and faith. I was sensing
that God was laying the groundwork of stability
in my life and faith.
Broken away were many of the false pretenses
I'd operated under for so long.
Gone was any show I ever
had the urge to put on for myself, God, others.
I had been left with "boring,old" belief
in a God who loved me,
a God who sacrificed his Son for me. Now what?
I was content (enough) but at the time didn't
"get it." What was God stabilizing me and my life
and my faith for?
Was there a purpose or was I fooling
myself? Enter Ellis Jane -and quite dramatically,
I might add.
The tiniest person I've ever met.
Never before have I even come close to understanding the immeasurable sacrifice it would be
to hand over your child
for someone else who has done nothing to deserve what
you're about to do for them.
The love Gabe and I feel
for this little soul is hard to put into words,
but I can say
I have a brand new understanding of the degree
to which I am
-we all are- loved by our God.
I'm certain it's more than I can fathom.
But I'm also certain it's so, do, so much more
thanI ever came close to realizing
before Ellis came and turned our world
upside down in the most wonderful,
necessary way. For this, and for her,
I THANK GOD."
I am a mama because Ellis exists. I love her for that. I love how pure and innocent she is. I love how she can toot like a grown man and keep a perfectly straight face. I love the pensive look she gets on her face when I talk to her --as if she is fascinated by the mumbo jumbo I'm saying. I love her smiles -real or gas. I love her from head to toe and feel like I've won the lottery because I get to be a part of things as she discovers life.